Articles

Help!: The Social Side of Business Etiquette

Over dinner at a nice restaurant, your client and you finally get to the important part of your discussion that you have been leading up to for quite a few weeks. Her cell phone rings, she excuses herself and takes the call. Meanwhile the gentleman at the next table begins talking in a loud voice about how important it is for the vendor to supply the product on time or the consequences will be dire. You do not know if he suddenly has gone mad and is talking to himself or if he has an incurable disease, until you notice the small device hanging from his ear and realize that he, too, is talking on his cell phone.

Cell phones ringing in meetings, people using their “outdoor voices” indoors, missed meetings, unreturned phone calls, ignored e-mails – what is going on?

The examples above may seem extreme until you begin noticing similar activities more and more. There appears to be an ever increasing lack of respect and rudeness in not only our everyday activities, but in a business setting. Of course, in business there has always been the too busy executive that used his secretary as the gate guard and call screener. But as secretaries are replaced with personal assistants and busy executives have come to rely on their cell phones for instant communication, even the gate guard function once performed by the secretary is becoming an historical artifact.

Somewhere at 35,000 feet while traveling internationally recently, I had the opportunity to read an article about the growing number of senior company executives, both international and US that were becoming concerned about the lack of basic etiquette being displayed by the members of their companies. The problem had become such a concern to some of these leaders that they have enlisted the assistance of consultants to help the employees and junior executives learn how to conduct themselves in both business and social settings. These senior executives have decided to teach their employees classes on etiquette.

At first, I thought the article was interesting and a little “on the edge.” However, the more I thought about it and the more aware I have become about such things, the more I think that teaching etiquette and manners as a formal part of executive training might not be such a bad idea after all.

We appear to have forgotten or maybe some never knew, that there is such a thing as etiquette and that there are proper rules of behavior in both social and business situations. Today, we are uncomfortable if we have to go to a dinner with more than two forks and one spoon. Sometimes we do not know what we should wear to present a professional appearance. The “what to wear” question transcends the “no white shoes between Labor and Memorial Day (if that rule even applies in Florida.)

The tried and true Golden Rule of do unto others seems to be a logical starting point. If you do not like to have phone calls ignored and meetings missed for no apparent reason – then do not do it to others. If you like to have an e-mail answered in which you have asked a question – then answer it from others. If you do not like to be forced to eavesdrop on conversations, then do not talk on your cell phone in public settings like restaurants and in meetings. If you do not like to be interrupted by members of the audience carrying on their own conversations, then do not do it to others.

There are many little, simple things we can do every day that will make our workplace and our dealings more professional and conducive to building business relationships based on trust and confidence. Common courtesies such as please and thank you, go a long way toward improving relationships. Doing unto others is a simple place to start.

In a social setting, we do need to look to a Miss Manners* for help in learning how to conduct ourselves in an acceptable and proper manner. We may not find ourselves at formal dinners quite so often here, but once you do get out, and, especially in an international setting, the expectations to attend formal gatherings are more prevalent. We do need to know which fork and spoon to use for what item. We need to know how to engage in “small talk,” so we can converse politely with our dinner partner. Some are born with the talent to talk to whomever, whenever, about anything. But most of us are not so gifted. Fortunately, engaging in small talk is a developed skill. You have to have an idea of what acceptable topics are, and then you have to practice talking. As distasteful and retro “back in the day” as it may seem, we need to be able to talk to strangers about something other than our jobs and kids as many of us do at mixers and networking events. The business world is a bigger place than we might think, and we need to be able to fit in and function more effectively in it.

Having spent ten years in the Washington, DC area, I am a great fan of casual dress when appropriate. However, there is a time and place to dress casually, and there is a time and place to dress professionally. Dressing for success is still an important aspect of presenting a professional appearance and winning a good first impression. I think many of us want to dress appropriately; we just do not know how to or what to wear. Even though our appearance may not reflect our true inner self and show our capability to do the work and get the job done, appearance does count, certainly with our senior leaders.

Business is about relationships. Relationships are formed and strengthened through common courtesy and respect. Doing unto others is a good place to start. Paying attention to our appearance and being comfortable in both business and social settings goes a long way to increase our self confidence and gain the attention and respect of others. Most of us do not come by these skills naturally. We have to know what is acceptable, and then we have to practice them to develop them so that they are a natural extension of who we are and how we interact with others to build relationships. We need Miss Manners’ help in learning how to do this.

* Miss Manners is the creation of Judith Martin, author of the Miss Manners column and several books on etiquette and society.

©2005 by Michael H. Vernon

Mike Vernon is president of Management Vectors, Inc., (MVI) an independent consulting firm focused on assisting clients in developing innovative and creative solutions based on their specific goals and objectives. MVI provides independent advice and assistance about organizational development and the integration of leadership, technology, and management processes to ensure success. MVI offers help to our clients in the following areas; organizational development, strategic planning, technology integration, training and education, business and social etiquette, and workshops and seminars. Recently, Mike has been working in Romania, Ukraine, and Uzbekistan assisting various governmental agencies and businesses in developing future technology integration plans and in dealing with the rapid cultural changes that are underway in these countries. Mike can be reached at mvernon@managementvectors.com and 407-312-5775.